Spotlight on Mom - Simone Wilson

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By Sonja Luecke


Midsouthmoms.com “Spotlight on Mom” – Simone Wilson



Simone Wilson didn’t think she’d ever meet the right guy or have children. But, it turned out, the right guy had been living across the street from her all along.

Still, having Victor, the couple’s first son, came as a surprise. The unexpectedly expecting parents planned for a natural birth. But the baby was breeched, and Wilson needed an emergency C-section under full anesthesia. There was more news when she woke up. The birth had gone well, but the baby had Down syndrome, a congenital birth defect. As is common for babies with Down syndrome, Victor also had a hole in the heart he needed surgery for that when just a few months old.

Despite the difficulties, Victor is making it – on his own time. Now 4 ½ years old, he recently began walking on his own and is learning to say new words every day. And every day, he inspires Wilson and others to see the world a little differently. “He is just genuine in everything,” Wilson said.

Wilson, a public relations and outreach coordinator for the College of Communication and Fine Arts at The University of Memphis, lives in East Memphis with her husband, Eric Wilson. Their second son, Ari, is 1 ½, and they are expecting the arrival of their third child in the summer of 2010. Wilson recently answered questions for Midsouthmoms.com:


Was your first child planned? No. He was a true surprise, all the way around.

When you had Victor, did you know he was going to have Down syndrome? No. I didn’t have health insurance at the time because I was between jobs, and Victor was a surprise baby. St. Francis at the time had a plan for us to pay as we went along, so we paid a monthly installments until our due date. That covered the regular birth. Since I was fairly young and this was my first child, I thought you get pregnant and that’s it. There are, of course, tests they do, but the nurse told me there are a lot of false positives. So I asked what’s the point if the outcome essentially doesn’t really tell you what’s going on. I decided not to have any tests after that.

When did you find out your baby has Down syndrome? When he was born. I was set on having a rather natural birth, but he ended up being an emergency c-section. They found out at the last minute he was breeched, and they had to knock me out, and I didn’t know until I came to. It was nice that Eric could tell me. I am not sure how worried he was. He was pretty emotional. But it was not the end of the world for me that he has Down syndrome. It was a traumatic birth experience, and I was afraid they would tell me my child is dead. It took me a while to get to see him. The doctors who took care of him are excellent. They knew he had a heart defect. Some of them we still see today.

Is raising Ari very different from raising Victor? Yes. It’s easier raising Victor. Ari is a pistol. He is on all the time. He is intense. His personality is intense. He wakes up screaming for you, and he is on until you go to bed. With Victor, there are many challenges, but his personality is much calmer, so he is not as much of a troublemaker.

Do you worry more about Victor or Ari in growing up? I worry about both of them. I don’t want to burden the sibling of a child with a disability. I don’t want them to feel burdened. I just hope that they naturally feel inclined to make sure that Victor is taken care of when we are not here any more. Victor now is cute and charming, but as an adult, other behaviors are expected of him, and he will probably seem much more like the odd person out then. With his school friends now, he is just one of them. As he grows up, that changes. People will wonder why he cannot talk right or drive a car.

What do you wish for Victor for the future? For me, it’s important as he grows up that there are a few kids he can grow up with and who go along with him as he goes through the school system – kids who have a different outlook because they know him. I feel any person now who is in touch with Victor will have a different outlook on people with disabilities later. Maybe their parents will remind them of Victor if they forget that they were friends with someone with a disability. I hope that when they encounter someone else with a disability, they can remember that person is just like Victor and they will have more compassion and understanding.

Do you have any advice for parents who are just learning that they are having a child with a disability? If they find out in advance, I would strongly encourage them to try and find a disability association of some sort that can give them information about that disability before they choose an alternative. And I would suggest that they also try to talk to other parents. After Victor was born, we talked to other parents with children with Down syndrome, and that was very helpful. However, I think they don’t need to feel bad about whatever decision they make. Some families can only handle one child. One child is a lot of work. So, parents who decide that they are not going to have a child with a disability for whatever reason – even if our friends decided against it – that’s a very personal decision everyone needs to decide for themselves. You have to do what’s best for your family.

Have your career plans changed now that you are a mom? Certainly. I decided to change my 12-month position to a 10-month position to take the summers off with the kids. That was not a hard decision. However, I always thought I would teach at a university-level, which means I would need to get a Ph.D. But that’s impossible right now. I am not necessarily a career woman. I do not need to be the CEO of anything, and I don’t have any specific goals to reach, but I would like to make some more money at some point. Maybe once the kids are older I can change what I am doing and find something that is as fulfilling but pays more.

What do you think Victor will be like when he gets older? He is going to go through life, and everything is acceptable to him. We probably need more people like him in this world.

What do you think moms need to know about being moms that is not talked about enough? I think when you have kids, it’s almost like you are back in college. You have a peer group you compare yourself to. When you begin to look at what they are doing and to compare yourself, it can put a lot of pressure on you. Women make the assumption that in someone else’s home it’s always cleaner or that we always have a home-cooked meal. I think these comparisons are completely ridiculous. I may get the kids to school on time, but we are all dealing with them same issues. One is not better than the other. We all have the same worries and the same battles.

Do you have any specific wishes for your children’s futures? I have learned that with some things, it’s a matter of letting go of expectations. If I would want for Ari to get his Ph.D., that would mean I am imposing my own life dreams on him, which is not fair. I want my children to be happy. If my child is happy being a truck driver or a lawn guy and that fulfills him, that’s perfectly fine for me. Whatever fulfills them, that’s what I want them to find.

What’s been the most challenging time of your life? When Victor was born and he was in the intensive care unit for almost two weeks, and when he had to have heart surgery. Sometimes, you only know in retrospect what your most challenging time was. While you’re going through it, it’s just what you do. But later, when I had time to look back on it, I realized how much I worried whether he would make it.

Has Victor taught you anything new about the world or how you see it? Yes. I have learned from Victor that parents should not stress out so easily about whether their child knows his or her ABCs at age 3 or whatever age. It’s not that important. They will learn their ABCs eventually. The most important thing is that my children are happy and healthy now.

Biggest pet peeve: Rudeness, intolerance, dishonesty and people who are constantly sarcastic.

Things I like: Spending summers in Germany where it’s daylight until 11 p.m.

What was the last good book you read? The Julia Child memoir and Ruth Reichel’s “Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise.”

What advice would you give other working moms trying to balance job and family? Find a great boss who allows you to have a flexible schedule.

What's the most challenging aspect of being a mom (or working mom)? Not having enough time for myself.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? I ask my husband for help and advice, but I really don’t feel overwhelmed that often.

Do you have any insecurities, either work-related or about being a mom? No. Everything works itself out typically. I guess sometimes you worry that you might not do everything you can for your kids, but I always do the best I can.

Have you had a worst “working-mom” moment? When both kids are sick, the dogs need to go to the vet and the heat stops working and no babysitter is available and grandma is out of town. That’s just one of those worst days …

What would your perfect day-off look like (schedule-wise)? Get up early to go to the gym or do yoga and enjoy the day – go somewhere for a cup of coffee, meet a friend, go to the movies or go out for a nice dinner.

If you had more time (hours in the day) how would you spend it? I would sleep more and take more time to do yoga, read a book or meet friends.

What's your favorite pastime? Yoga. If it was perfect 70-degree weather all the time, being outside. I also like baking, but I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite pastime.

Do you have a secret you never told your parents? My parents are far away from me – across the ocean – there are probably many secrets I have not told them, but I don’t feel obligated to tell my parents everything.

If you had one wish, what would it be? One thing I wish for is more tolerance among people. I wish people were more open to people from different cultures and backgrounds and abilities. I think we judge too easily by appearances – as when someone is dressed a certain way. I wish we could be more tolerant of differences and not make assumptions before ever meeting someone.

What inspires you? Victor, my son who has Down syndrome, because he is just genuine in everything. When he smiles, it is a true smile. When he is upset, he is just upset. I think this is true for all children to a certain extent, but I know that his expressions are always genuine. The way he gets excited – it is real. You know he is excited. He also inspires me because I am learning to be more tolerant to people who are different, and I am discovering how they are unique and special. With Victor, it’s nice to see how the other kids react – he just started to walk three weeks ago – and his classmates were so excited. When they saw him walk in the door without his walker, they all cheered for him.

What is something people would be surprised to learn about you? I don’t know. Maybe that I am having three kids and that I love watching “Law and order.”. And probably that I am not that organized. Everybody always says I am so organized, but I am not. With the kids, you just cannot be super organized. The picture people have of me – because they get their Christmas card on time – they assume the laundry is stacked away and everything is labeled in the closets. But my house is like any other person’s house. Maybe because I am German, there may be a little more order, but it depends on your perspective. My mom would ask how I can live like this.

Have you had any regrets about your life so far? (something you would do over again, wish you hadn’t done, etc) No regrets whatsoever.

What’s the one thing you promised yourself you’d never do when you had kids that you find yourself doing? Letting them eat chicken fingers and fries and introducing Ari, my second son, to Elmo when he was just over a year old. I think his first word was Elmo. However, I started out pretty well – I cooked all of Victor’s food when he was a baby.

With Christmas around the corner, are there any activities or traditions you and your kids look forward to? We look forward to grandma and grandpa visiting from Germany, and we look forward to doing the German Christmas on the 24th and the American Christmas on the 25th. I also look forward to being off with the kids.

What’s your favorite thing to do with your kids? Swimming, and my husband and I both like taking them to music classes. Even just taking them to the playground is fun.

What is the best advice you have ever received about how to be a good mom and/or balancing work and family? I don’t think I got much advice. But I was telling a friend who works from home that working outside of the home allows me to close my door and do a headstand or some sort of a yoga pose when things get tough, or I can have lunch with a coworker. That’s not a vacation, but it’s time when I don’t focus on the kids, which to me really helps because I am excited to see them when I get home. Even though we cannot spend as much time together when I work, we spend more quality time together.

What’s the best advice your mom ever gave you? I am sure she gave me some advice, but I don’t remember what.

What’s one thing you did growing up that you hope your child never does? I can’t think of a thing. I had a great childhood, and I never was a rebel child.

Did your mom work while you were growing up? No, she was a stay-at-home mom.

My self-admitted most annoying habit: (according to family and friends)Maybe you should ask my husband …
How often do you sit down for meals with your kids? Every day.

What’s your most embarrassing moment with your children? When they have a meltdown in a restaurant. That is kind of embarrassing.

What’s your favorite indulgence? “Law and Order.” I think that’s one thing people would not expect of me. I love it even more than “CSI.” I just love it.

What’s your most extravagant purchase ever? I don’t make that many extravagant purchases, but if there is something I spend money on for myself, it’s a pair of shoes. Maybe flowers.

Any funny stories you’d like to share? We probably have tons, but they may just be funny to us.

Any brushes with celebrities? Not really, but I sat next to Jack Binion once on a flight to Las Vegas. He owns some of the Horseshoe Casinos. More than meeting celebrities, I usually get mistaken for one. People commonly think I look like Jamie Lee Curtis. When I used to work as a hostess at a restaurant, people would come in and their mouth would drop open because, they said, I looked just like her. When I was in Spain once, there were these Northern Europeans who wanted to take my photo and get an autograph. And a guy I met once gave me a whole dissertation on how he had met Tony Curtis on Beale Street and how he liked Vivian Leigh’s films. It took me 15 minutes to get rid of that guy.

If you could meet one celebrity, any celebrity, who would it be? George Clooney because he’s hot.

Dumbest Ebay purchase: I have never bought anything on Ebay. Even though maybe I should say my husband bought a hideous walrus cookie jar for me on Ebay once…

Has being a mom changed you? Yes. I am less organized. Once you are a mom, you think about other things than yourself. You don’t take yourself as seriously any longer. If your birthday comes and goes, and you only get a birthday card from your husband, that’s OK.

What are your dreams for the coming year? The next 5 years? Finding more time to spend with the kids and the family and living a more simple life. Not in the terms of living in the woods but just not feeling like the kids have to be signed up for everything so they will be the smartest and brightest on the planet. I just want to be able to take the liberty to let them do whatever they want to do, and the same holds true for us – I don’t want for us to have a zillion things on our plates outside of work.

Things I don’t like: Making coffee in the morning. That is the hardest thing when my husband is away.

Did you always want to have three children? I thought I would end up with no children. I was 30 when I met my husband, Eric. It had seemed like there were no guys out there worth having children with. Once I had my first child, I thought that this was going to be it because it took me a long time to adjust to that roller-coaster ride. For me, it’s a practical decision to have three kids. My family is in Germany, and Eric is an only child. His parents live about an hour away, but Eric only has one cousin, so we don’t have many relatives in close proximity, and I felt it was nice for the kids to have a family. Three makes a nice family.


TOP PICKS:


Favorite movie: “The Big Lebowski”

Favorite timesaving tip: Don’t use makeup and have an easy hairdo.

Favorite beauty product: A nice body lotion.

Favorite de-stress technique: Yoga and watching “Law and Order.”

Product you couldn’t live without: Lip balm. “Lip Saver” by Aveda is the only one that works.

Favorite money-saving tip: Our rule is we can make a purchase for up to $200 without consulting the spouse. After that, we have to consult.

Favorite book: I like David Sedaris, but my favorite author is Raymond Chandler. I love his 1930s L.A. detective novels. I have read them all.

Favorite recreational activity: Yoga

Favorite music: Eclectic mix of stuff – I like modern stuff. I like lounge music.

Favorite children’s book: That changes. The kids like the “Llama llama, red pajama” books. Right now they love “Sally and the purple socks”

Favorite TV show: “Law and order.”

Favorite Memphis locale: This may sound strange, but it’s Midtown Yoga. Not because it is a yoga studio, but because it’s one of the first recreational spaces I went to after moving to Memphis. For some reason, that space is very Memphis to me.

Favorite recipe: I never cook the same things. I love looking up new things to cook. I love Asian-influenced foods and anything with mushrooms. I typically look at “Cooking Light.” A friend of mine made African Ground Nut Stew, which is fabulous. You can find it on the “Cooking Light” Web site.


Listen to 98.9 Kim-FM every Thursday at 7:30 a.m. for an interview with the subject of “Spotlight on Mom” on the Morning View with Tom Prestigiacomo and Dr. Susan Murrmann.